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Stuffed Stockings

by Rex Ferrari

supported by
Will Crain
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Benjamin Doran
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about

I was sitting in my living room one day, getting arrested, and I thought to myself, "There needs to be more Christmas songs about sex." After I got released on a technicality, I picked up my guitar and wrote this instant classic. Pour yourself a glass of something sweet -- I'm a hog for the nog, personally -- and relax to the dulcet tones of me yelling about how big my dick is. Merry Christmas, and you're welcome.

All proceeds from the sale of this song will be doubled by my accountants and donated to UnhousedSTL, a 501(c)3 community of caring people who work to support unhoused + intentionally neglected folks in St. Louis. My piss-hot riffs can only keep people so warm, so they'll handle the rest.

lyrics

Ballerina dancing in the street
Little Miss Nutcracker Not-So-Sweet
Forget Dasher and Donner and Blitzen
All I need is this little vixen

She’s worried she’s been bad this year
I might have to take her over my knee
She’s spreading more than Christmas cheer
What I’m giving to her won’t fit under the tree

She's getting
Stuffed stockings
And we’re rocking
Acting up and making Santa insane
Got a flame thrower
For a snow blower
She likes the curve in the candy cane

Slick as as ice and baby I might slip
She’s just as thick as an egg nog drip
She whispered something almost illegal
Got a fistful of pine needles

She’s worried she’s been bad this year
I might have to take her over my knee
She’s spreading more than Christmas cheer
What I’m giving to her won’t fit under the tree

She’s getting
Stuffed stockings
And we’re rocking
Acting up and making Santa insane
Got a flame thrower
For a snow blower
She likes the curve in the candy cane
Stuffed stockings
Stuffed stockings
Tis the season to feel all right
She’s festive
And suggestive
She deserves stuffed stockings tonight

What she’s wearing is really something
Mistletoe hanging from her bellybutton
I better come inside before I melt
Have a little treat with my cookies and milk

credits

released December 23, 2022
Rex Ferrari: Guitars / Vocals
Skip Von Dango: Guitars
Ronnie Snot: Bass
Archie "Sweet Heat" Moretti: Drums

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Rex Ferrari St. Louis, Missouri

Rex Ferrari wasn't born and raised: he was forged in fire and strengthened in steel. You may recognize him from his starring roles in the (now classic lost media) films Sex Ferrari and Sex Ferrari 2: 2 Sex Ferraris. You may also recognize him from your wildest rock and roll dreams. Proceed with caution and a change of panties. ... more

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